You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
