There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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