Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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