She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
