so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
