I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
