PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
