When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So. Much. Porn.
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