Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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