this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
