Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize