My nipple is on Facebook.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is my gift to your gina
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
