Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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