then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
