Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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