My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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