weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
