I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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