we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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