So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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