I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize