its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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