never play flip cup with pint glasses
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
