Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
