There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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