I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
