i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize