Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
