he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
