Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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