So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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