so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
