just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
