My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
