My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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