One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
