well I can't set my house on fire every night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
