If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
