Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
