She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
