none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
