dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
