Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
