I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
