If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
