Buhtt sex?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
