Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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