dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
