A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
