the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
