the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
there is glitter all over my balls
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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