I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
