i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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