wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
