I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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