So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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