from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize