We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
