I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
