Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
