I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
