I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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