but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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