he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
and you fell through a lawn chair
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
