we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
