He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
