shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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