Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
