So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
