I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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