I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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