I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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