I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
