No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
