I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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