my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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